the goodbye note: “Let us Not be Friends…”
Voyeurism at it’s best:)
Setting: ‘The Commitment Phobe’ writes me 5 months after things fall apart the SECOND time, feeling me out for friendship… here is the response:
“I’m not sure how to respond to this. It’s not that it’s unexpected, it’s just I never made up my mind. I don’t have any negative feelings towards you whatsoever. And I’m still in love with you. I’ve just gotten used to that feeling, apparently. It doesn’t even mean I want you back anymore. It’s just something that ‘is’, like the sky is blue, etc. I guess I’ve just come to accept that. I think often and fondly of you but I don’t really think of being WITH you anymore. I think of ‘YOU’, not ‘US’, if that makes sense. That’s why the friendship thing sways back and forth just out of my reach for now…. I can’t offer you true friendship. I don’t know what I can offer. I don’t even know how to interact with you without hurting one of us. I don’t know, I guess I was just in too deep. I think you should keep your happy thoughts because I feel the same way, but I think I have to excuse myself from trying to find a happy ground on a day to day basis, at least right now. I mean if we went to a movie tomorrow, it’d be no big deal at all, but eventually I think I’ll fall apart if you become a part of my life again.
“I shouldn’t even send this because I’m dead tired and this doesn’t really convey my thoughts or even present them in a favorable way but I need to go to sleep and if this is on my plate for tomorrow, I won’t. ehhehehe see? I’m not ready at all:) So don’t fall off the planet or think any negative thoughts. If I see you soon, cool. If not, you are still in the back of my mind. And I still have that plant for you…. I’ll get it to Cindy some time. take care, be safe.
